In 2019 I graduated college with two degrees. One in elementary education and the other in special education. I had stars in my eyes, a ton of energy and so many ideas about how to teach and make my classroom a safe space for learning. Everyone I spoke to said that I was put on this Earth to do this career. I was exhilarated and ready to start my dream job.
Flash forward to the end of my first year teaching. The COVID-19 virus had arrived in the US and we never came back to school after spring break. We were all scrambling to transition to teaching virtually. The district I worked in did not do e-learning days, so we were overwhelmingly unprepared. We made it through and had hopes for the following year getting back to some sort of new normal.
Oh how mistaken we were. Our students had the choice to be virtual learners or in person learners. For most departments this meant that certain teachers were virtual teachers and others taught in person classes. As a special education teacher that was not an option. I had to adapt to teaching both students in my classroom and students virtually. It was double the work, in addition to all the new protocols and paperwork that we were expected to manage.
We got through it. We just kept reminding ourselves that we would get through it and next year would be better. We worked on mental health and resiliency as a school district. We sent each other resources and tried to lift each other up. Here’s the thing though, the next year started and things weren’t better. We were told to put a smile on and learn to adapt to our new normal. This is not what I signed up for. This is not teaching. I don’t have time to teach with all of the other things that have been added to my plate.
The new line when an educator complains about being overworked, unfairly compensated or the profession in general is that while teachers aren’t paid comparably to similarly educated professionals “teaching is a calling.” That is absolutely correct. Being a doctor or lawyer or engineer all of those professions are callings. The fact that educators are naturally compassionate and helpful people does not mean they should be taken advantage of and not given the respect and compensation they deserve.
The word resilient is triggering to me. As is any word that could be used in its place. Grit. Perseverance. Strength. It’s all a way of saying to suck it up and do it anyway. It’s not healthy. It’s not sustainable. The new generation of teachers is not going to put up with it. Unfortunately we’re not in positions of power to change it, so we leave and take our considerable talents elsewhere. Teachers are humans and humans are not naturally resilient.
I made it for three years. Three years in my dream job and I’m giving up. I am exhausted and disillusioned. I don’t have anything left to give to this career. The state laws and exclusionary attitudes of older educators has made education a toxic environment. I am so disappointed that I am unable to continue on this career path that I was so clearly created to do. I have so many feelings of guilt and sadness about leaving, but it is time to put my foot down and do what is best for me. It is time to say farewell to my dream job.
